View Full Version : Do you know someone that is living with Aids?

Dan J.
03-06-2005, 09:28 AM
This is a hard post for me to write. This weekend my 28 yr old brother came home and informed us he is infected with the AIDS virus. Needless to say everyone in my family is very saddened by this news. He told us he found out just before Christmas. I knew that something was bothering him then and tried to get him to talk to me about it. But he wouldn't. So now we know why he has been very depressed the last 4 months. He has informed us he doesn't want to take a med cocktail that he doesn't see any point in taking the medication. I know that HIV can be managed now with the new drugs that are available and that he can live a productive life, if he takes the meds. I don't know what to do for him...<br>I have offered to let him come live with me, that we would find an HIV specialist. He is too far down into his depression now to even talk about getting much less discussing treatment now. I don't know what to do.

03-06-2005, 10:10 AM
That is some pretty tough news. I am sure your brother will be ok, but he's going to need some help. While his medical needs are something that will have to be dealt with it doesn't sound like the top priority at the moment. Efforts right now sound like they should be focused on his mental health. Find a good counsellor who can help him see that his life is not over. Even you and your family may benefit from discussing this with a professional. There are probably also great support groups in your area. I hope it works out, as you said in your post, Aids is not the death sentence as it used to be and your brother has much to live for.

Naga Royal Guard
03-06-2005, 10:15 AM
i dont know what to say man, just try to let him come about on his own terms; it comes to a point where only an individual can make light of their own problems

Dan J.
03-06-2005, 10:20 AM
Thank you Northpoint for your kind response. I have been searching for a support group not only for my brother but for the rest of my amily to attend. I don't know if he will want to go now, I don't think he is ready. I feel that the only thing I can do for him now is to just be there for him, any way that I can. I am not going to push him into going to a counsellor yet, I think he will go in his own time. . Thank you again.<p>Thanks Naga, I feel he will get the help he needs in his own time. He has to work through all his feelings first. As do the rest of my family. I on the other hand have always been the type of person when faced with a difficult challenge medical or otherwise is to face the problem, seek solutions and implement a plan of action asap. My brother David is the complete oposite from me. He sees himself as failure, a dissapointment to me and my parents that this is a dirty secret that noone should know about. I say to hell w ith what other people think, get treatment, take care of the things that need to be done and live life to the fullest everyday because tommorrow is not promised all we have is today.<BR><BR>
<i>Modified by RepoMan at 9:30 AM 3/6/2005</i>

Naga Royal Guard
03-06-2005, 01:00 PM
let society decide how you should feel about yourself, and your putting a gun in the killer's hands<p>what is your brother doing now, is he working or taking time off?

Dan J.
03-06-2005, 01:13 PM
We haven't discussed what is going to do yet. He may take some vacation time to sort things out. He has expressed some interest in moving back closer to home. He knows he can come live with me, I have the room and I hope he considers my offer. Right now though he won't commit to anything.<br>All I can do at this point is love him and respect his wishes.<br>

03-06-2005, 02:27 PM
This may sound a bit stupid, but just tell him that you love him and that you're there for him. If he's really depressed, that's all you can do now. With time, hopefully, he will see he still has a life in front of him.<p>Also, and this is important for you and your family, learn to forgive and forget, because people will be stressed out and scared, and they will sometimes say or do things they don't mean to. If you all get together and show your support, for your brother and each other, things will be better.<p>I wish you and your family all the best. And we're here for you, for whatever that's worth.<br>

Dan J.
03-06-2005, 03:46 PM
Thank you DVieira. I am lucky that I have a supportive family. My family has a medical background so we are one up on that. It is just the initial shock of the news. My feelings for my brother will never change. I just want to be there for him in any way that I can. And he knows that. <p><br>To a moderator: If you feel anything in this thread is or will be inapropriate for some of the younger members to read delete or close this topic. I will understand.

Naga Royal Guard
03-06-2005, 03:52 PM
this thread should be fine :)

The Water Is Poison
03-06-2005, 05:08 PM
Wow, man. I agree with what everyone else said. Give him time to find his voice, his feelings, and when he does, he'll do the right thing

Dan J.
03-06-2005, 07:56 PM
I want to take this time to thank each and everyone that has posted in this thread. Thank you all for you words of support and understanding. I hope that no one here has to deal with something like this with any members of your families or friends.-Dan

03-06-2005, 08:17 PM
I'm sorry for the bad news you received man, I hope it all turns out fine with him.<p>Only thing I can think of is that the best is that he does whatever he feels comfortable with. If one imagines yourself in his position, thats definitely what one would most like, just support to do or not do something about it, even if it's the least adviseable thing to do. <p>Sorry that this is happening, hope it turns out fine...

03-07-2005, 12:00 AM
At 14 I was diagnosed with a heart condition. Non life threatening, manageable. But I felt horrible, I felt so inadequate that I can't imagine what he's going through right now. My family was very supportive and encouraged me, three days after I was diagnosed, to go on a river rafting trip I'd been anticipating and was reconsidering. It took me weeks to get over my initial depression, but my family being there to show me my life could be a lot worse. They barely did anything. I was upset and ceying when I was told and they were there for me, and the simple act of making me live life normally to see that I was ok made me feel better, and showed me that my life was not going to be drastically ruined. <p>Just be there for him, and offer him help when he needs it. It will take some time, but if you show him what he has worth living for he'll come out of it.<p>I wish him my very best, as well as you and your family. Keep us updated.

03-07-2005, 06:51 AM
wow, i'm sorry about your brother, repoman. i agree with what andre said, you just need to be there for him and support him, and he should feel better.